Tonight I showered with extremely hot water and I was just standing under it doing nothing. I was just feeling it burn my skin and did nothing about it. I could see the steam rising up and the mirror blurring out. I was long done but I just couldn’t get out. I didn’t want to get out but when I finally got myself to do so, I continued to just stand there. The shower was off but I was just there with my bare body and all I could think of was that I let myself go.
I let myself go in every sense of the word and since everything happened I was never able to be the same. I understand that things happen and people change but these experiences took a part of me that I simply can’t have back, and I loved those things about me.
I loved feeling happy because I enjoyed knowing I was capable of such a thing. I was even able to deal with my sadness and own up to it because it was my own, it’s what I felt. But now. This, here right now, I don’t know what this is and I can’t even begin to explain what I feel.
I don’t talk to people the way I once did. I mean, I encounter many people throughout my day and I love those who are a part of my life but I haven’t really talked to someone and I know it’s on me. I just get bored of people now. I just, I don’t know.
I can understand a couple of weeks off or maybe even months. But when it’s constant and those weeks add up to months and suddenly you’re going on two years, there’s an issue. I’m doing something wrong.
I just want to be held the same way I was held that night at the hotel when I was crying and you just knew to hold me. You just played with my hair, told me things would be okay and put me to sleep. I wish things really would be okay. But it’s not that night and we’re no longer those people. I just want someone to care enough and be able to see through me and call me out on my shit. I wish I didn’t feel so damn lonely.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful to my loved ones but everyone is having their problems and I just don’t want to put this burden on them. But shit. Whatever.
If you actually think physical attractiveness is important in a relationship, you are not shallow. To make a good relationship last you have to be physically and mentally attracted to the person. I am tired of seeing people being called shallow simply because they are looking for someone attractive to them, mentally and physically.
You are shallow when physical attractiveness is the only thing that keeps you two together.